I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
