Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
