why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
