Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i dont even know how to be here
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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