He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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