we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I will be naked everywhere
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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