It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
