Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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