My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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