hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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