i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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