You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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