dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize