Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize