Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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