so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
