it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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