Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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