wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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