we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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