It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
