also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot