How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion