She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
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Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
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Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.