Texts From Last Night

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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Happy Easter!!!

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm an idiot

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  (517): Happy Easter!!! (248): I'm an idiot http://tfl.nu/fix2
  Replies (3) Good night (953) Bad night (611)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.

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  (407): also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask. http://tfl.nu/a5xa
  Replies (7) Good night (1667) Bad night (447)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?

  (646): View more from New York

  Lmao what?

  (917): View more from New York City

  It's a yes or no question.

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  (917): She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms? (646): Lmao what? (917): It's a yes or no question. http://tfl.nu/ypn0
  Replies (20) Good night (5212) Bad night (1400)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.

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  (856): Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend. http://tfl.nu/zfxw
  Replies (10) Good night (3515) Bad night (666)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  What?

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I have a yeast infection.

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  (314): I'm bakin' bread in my pussy! (1-314): What? (314): I have a yeast infection. http://tfl.nu/o2ns
  Replies (180) Good night (2175) Bad night (28660)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.

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  (562): The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night. http://tfl.nu/3w1s
  Replies (4) Good night (937) Bad night (778)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one

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  (978): Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one http://tfl.nu/zma0
  Replies (13) Good night (2153) Bad night (701)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.

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  (248): Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation. http://tfl.nu/xu6p
  Replies (6) Good night (2053) Bad night (629)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt

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  (716): and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt http://tfl.nu/qzo4
  Replies (12) Good night (662) Bad night (1303)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.

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  (973): If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will. http://tfl.nu/voi6
  Replies (2) Good night (966) Bad night (628)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.

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  (510): Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day. http://tfl.nu/eul1
  Replies (2) Good night (426) Bad night (324)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.

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  (757): I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me. http://tfl.nu/r9ax
  Replies (0) Good night (411) Bad night (275)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk

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  (248): I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk http://tfl.nu/6hfb
  Replies (1) Good night (465) Bad night (270)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.

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  (248): Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this. http://tfl.nu/ma81
  Replies (5) Good night (667) Bad night (466)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.

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  (770): He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't. http://tfl.nu/iy01
  Replies (5) Good night (266) Bad night (606)

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