Taylor Swift is so right about you.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
