Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
