Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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