3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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