So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
