I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just google imaged poop.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
