Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
