some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
