and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
