the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
