Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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