At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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