Only a mothe r could love this liver
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
