just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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