First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
