im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
