he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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