3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
