is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
