Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Randomize
