i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
