the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
