someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
