He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
