Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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