We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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