I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
