And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I can feel your judgement through the phone
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
