she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
