I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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