walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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