i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
