Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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