There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he told me I talked like a deaf person
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
NoShamevember. You game?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
