ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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