the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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