You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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