make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
