So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
