I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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