There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I am available for nakedness
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
