I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
