i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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