Welp...herpes.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
