Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
