i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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