When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
