Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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